A Sherry Holmes Christmas Tale “The Nightmare Renovation”

‘Twas the Nightmare Renovation, when all through the house,
There were cracks and holes for every squirrel and mouse.
We were in the basement, on a couch for our bed,
While the never-ending reno slept overhead.

A claimed “jack of all trades”, we trusted this man.
Instead he ruined our house, took our money and ran.
This job was a joke, this job was a bust,
It was covered in tears and divorce dust.

The windows they were missing, the walls how they bowed,
It was clear to us now, this was not up to code.
The roof, it gushed water like Niagara Falls.
They compromised structure, removing load-bearing walls.

A letter was sent, as our final prayer,
In hopes the RIGHT contractor, soon would be there.
When out on the road we could tell by his walk,
Up our driveway he strolled, on our door he would knock.

With all the right products, from shingles to spray foams,
We knew in a moment it must be Mike Holmes.
A helmet on his head and a tool belt he did carry,
But it wasn’t just Mike, he brought Michael and Sherry.

Mike’s look, it was stern, and his arms they were crossed.
They’d help finish this job, no matter the cost.
“Everything is all wrong,” he said with a frown,
Grab your tools at once “it’s all coming down!”

Now, MICHAEL! now, DEREK! Now, SHERRY and BLAKE!
It’s demo time, find something to break.
Take down this old porch! Take down this old wall!
Now smash away! Smash away! Smash away all!

The shingles have failed, Steve will show you the proof,
He’ll replace them at once and give you a new roof.
You’ll have all new electrical but it’s not me you should thank,
Meet my master electrician, his name is Frank.

You get what you pay for, it’s hard for me to stay calm,
New windows, new doors thanks to my pal Dom.
They were paid not in money but in handshakes and hugs,
Making the home critter-free from rodents and bugs.

With a final wink of his eye, we couldn’t believe our luck,
As he packed up his tools and hopped into his truck.
But we heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
ENJOY YOUR HOME, BECAUSE WE MADE IT RIGHT!

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